SUPPORTING VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE
Everyone has the right to feel safe in a relationship.
Kernos has a designated project for Victims of Domestic violence, funded by The Nationwide Foundation, giving counseling sessions free of charge, supplying literature & information & support, without having to put clients on our 6 month waiting list. This enables us to give early interventions when victims are in emotional crisis and often at risk of further violence. It allows victims to feel less vulnerable & isolated knowing they do not have to deal with their difficulties alone. Early counseling intervention can enable victims to secure safety for themselves & their children, & help prevent longer term mental health issues & further physical harm.(1) It supports Victims of Domestic Violence by providing a safe environment where they can express their fears & experiences of abuse.
(2) It offers ways to prevent reoccurrence & promotes positive relationships.
(3) It provides victims with information & literature on safety planning, crisis actions, advocacy, & other support services.
Domestic violence is not an occasional disagreement. It is a pattern of behaviour used by one partner to establish and maintain power and control over the other.Domestic violence can include physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse. An abuser can be a partner (male or female), family member or carer. Domestic violence and abuse can take many forms, and can happen repeatedly. It is a cycle of abuse that if left unchallenged will become more frequent and severe.
In recent studies of domestic violence victims 85% were women, however 8% were men attacked by women and 7% were men attacked by men. Men have exactly the same rights as women to be safe in their own homes and are protected by exactly the same laws as women
Examples of Domestic Violence
Using coercion and threats
- Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you.
- Threatening to leave, to commit suicide, to report you to the Benefits agencies
- Making you withdraw your statements to the Police
- Making you do illegal things
Using economic abuse
- Preventing you from getting or keeping a job
- Making you ask for money
- Taking your money
- Not letting you know about or having access to family income
Using emotional abuse
- Putting you down
- Making you feel bad about yourself
- Calling you names
- Making you think you are crazy
- Playing mind games
- Humiliating you
- Making you feel guilty
Using isolation
- Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to
- Controlling where you go
- Limiting your outside involvement
- Using jealousy to justify actions
Minimising denying and blaming
- Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns seriously
- Saying the abuse didn’t happen
- Shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour saying you caused it
Using children
- Making you feel guilty about the children
- Using the children to relay messages
- Threatening to take the children away
- Using contact visits to harass her
Using intimidation
- Making you afraid by using looks, actions, gestures
- Smashing things
- Destroying your property
- Abusing pets
- Displaying weapons
Using Physical and or sexual abuse
- Hitting, kicking, or bighting you
- Slapping, pushing, grasping you around the neck
- Holding you down
- Using any force that causes pain or injury
- Forcing you to have sex
- Forcing you to look at pornographic images
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT INFORMATION
A SPECIALIST domestic violence court designed to give greater support to victims in Ipswich is now open.
Based at South East Suffolk Magistrates' Court, it fast-tracks Domestic Violence cases through the judicial system and is expected to encourage more victims to give evidence against their abusers.
The Specialist Domestic Violence Court (SDVC) is one of 28 located across England and Wales. In areas where there are such courts, the number of domestic violence prosecutions has increased from 59 per cent to 71pc.
Womens Aid Centre (Bury St Edmunds) Telephone: 01284 753985
24 hour help line: 0808 2000 247
A refuge offering accommodation, friendship and support to women and their children who are victims of domestic violence.
Open hours 10 a.m - 3 p.m. Coordinators are available 24 hours, contact is via the Police and SamaritansAn information leaflet about the service is available on request.
Ipswich Women’s Aid Telephone 01473 745111 email@ipswichwa.org.uk
IWA runs two refuges in Ipswich and accommodates women aged 16 and over and their children who have experienced domestic violence. You can ring the Helpline to discuss a variety of choices available including legal, housing and support options.
Braintree Women's Aid Telephone 01376 21720 All services Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm
Answerphone for emergency contacts 01376 321720 Overnights and weekends
Freephone 24 hour Domestic Violence Helpline run in partnership between Refuge & Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 email: helpline@womensaid.org.uk
ADVICE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE HELPING A FRIEND WHO IS EXPERIENCING DOMESTIC ABUSE
Has your friend told you that there’s domestic violence in their home or do you think that there might be? Either way, you might be worried about them and unsure of what to say or do.
Talking to your friend about the abuse can be hard. In this section you can read about some things that might be helpful to say to your friend. It’s important to remember that you can’t solve the problem for them, but you can be there to listen and to support your friend.
There are also some things that you can do with your friend or suggest for your friend to do on their own.
Supporting a friend who is experiencing abuse can make you feel sad or upset yourself – it can be stressful. Make sure you get support for yourself as well. Talk to a grown-up you trust about what’s going on or call one of the helplines for children and young people.
Make sure that when you talk to your friend about the abuse, you’re in a safe place and you have time to talk. It’s not a good idea to have to rush off because you have to be somewhere else while your friend is sharing their story.
It’s possible that when your friend talks to you they might feel angry or upset. It’s scary for them to talk about the abuse, so these feelings are normal. Your friend might start crying or they might change their mind and tell you it’s none of your business. All these reactions are okay, but it helps to be prepared for them.
Believe them. It’s not up to you to decide whether or not what your friend is telling you is the truth. To talk about abuse and domestic violence can be very difficult. Listen to your friend and believe what they are saying.
Be supportive. You might say “I’m glad you told me about this. Thanks for trusting me.”
Don’t judge. If you say something like “How can you put up with this?” or “I can’t believe you haven’t told anyone about this!” you might push your friend away.
Be honest. Don’t be afraid to tell your friend that your are really worried, that you think they need help and it may be best to tell another adult about the situation. Remember, you can’t solve the problem, but you can help your friend get help.Telling other adults will help keep your friend safe.
They’re not alone. Let your friend know this happens to other children and young people as well.
It’s not their fault. Abuse is NEVER a child or young person’s fault. Your friend might feel as though they’re to blame for what’s happening – let them know this is not the case.
Express your concern. Decide whether you need to let someone else know what’s going on. It’s your friend’s decision whether they want to tell another adult or not. But you should know it’s okay for YOU to tell another adult if you’re really afraid your friend might be getting hurt. Be honest about this – tell your friend who you’re going to talk to so they don’t feel you’re sneaking around behind their back.
Offer help. You can tell your friend “I’ll help you talk to someone. I’ll help you find someone to talk to.” Tell them that you’ll be there for them while they find other help. Tell your friend about The Hideout and about the helplines listed in their website. www.thehideout.org.uk Check out the local helplines listed on this website.
Thank your friend. Talking about violence and abuse takes a lot of strength and courage. Thank your friend for trusting you and let them know how strong they are.
The most important thing you can do for your friend is to listen to them. Here are some things you can suggest for your friend to do. You might want to offer to do them with your friend.
· Help your friend work out which adult they trust and who they would be willing to talk to. Offer to go with your friend. This might be a neighbour or a teacher, for example.
There are helplines for children and young people. Suggest to your friend that it might be helpful to have these numbers with them at all times. Your friend can phone these numbers and speak to someone on the other end without having to give their name. You can offer to sit next to your friend while they make the call, or you can phone the helpline to find out what help there is for your friend.
· If you find information on the internet that you think would be useful to your friend, make sure you ask them if it’s safe to email them a link before you send it. (Make sure no one else checks their email.)
· Make sure your friend knows how to ring 999 in emergencies. Maybe you can walk past the local police station with your friend, so they know where it is.
· Talk to your friend about always having credit on their mobile phone or change for a pay phone so that they can call for help in an emergency. Remember that 999 calls are free when dialling from a phone box.
· Make a safety plan with your friend. Read more about this in the ‘What Can I do’ section of The Hideout web-site www.thehideout.org.uk
· Develop a code word with your friend, so that they can call you in an emergency and you’ll immediately know what’s going on. You should also agree on what your response to the code word is, for example calling the police or calling a neighbour. It’s helpful for you to know your friend’s address and phone number.
· Help your friend think up a story or an excuse for emergencies (for example that they have to do homework study with a friend). When they feel they are in danger, they can quickly give that excuse and leave right away.
If your friend is being abused by an adult it is important that you tell an adult you trust straight away. No one deserves abuse and you have the right to be safe from harm. You can call one of the helplines for children and young people listed at the bottom of each page of The Hideout for more advice and support.
In an emergency, please ring the police on 999 for immediate help.
You can also try ringing social services by phoning your local town hall (look in the phone book under your local council) and ask for the duty social worker.
ChildLine - freephone 0800-1111
ChildLine is the free, 24-hour telephone helpline for children and young people anywhere in the UK. Trained counsellors offer comfort, support, advice and protection. Calls to ChildLine are confidential, which means that what you tell us is just between you and the counsellor.
Calls to ChildLine are free from every kind of phone, including mobiles.ChildLine has been promised that calls will not show up on mobile phone bills.
If you are deaf, hard of hearing or have difficulties with speech, you can use our textphone service on 0800 400 222 (not available at night).
ChildLine's website - www.childline.org.uk - contains lots of useful information and advice for children and young people.NSPCC Children Protection Helpline 0808 800 5000 This is a free national 24-hour service that provides counselling, information and advice. Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Textphone helpline: 0800 056 0566 (English only)
Welsh helpline: 0808 100 2524 - Open Monday-Friday 10am-6pm.
Asian helplines (All of these lines are open Monday-Friday 11am-7pm):
Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline - 0808 2000 247
There is no excuse for abuse:
- you are not the only one
- you are not to blame
- you alone cannot change your abuser's behaviour
- ignoring violence is dangerous
- break the silence - do not stay isolated
- there is life beyond an abusive relationship
- you have the right to live free from fear
Make a plan in case you need to leave or get help quickly: find somewhere you can use a phone
- carry a list of numbers for an emergency
- agree a code or signal as a call for help from someone you trust
- save some money for fares and emergencies
- keep an extra set of keys for home and car
- keep clothes, medicines and personal valuables for you and your children in an emergency bag you can reach quickly
- take important legal and financial papers, and your bank cards with you
- leave while the abuser is not around and tell a friend or someone you trust
A crisis plan booklet is available from the Kernos Centre, Suffolk Domestic Violence Helpline 0800 783 5121, and Social Care Offices.
Run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge.This helpline service p rovides support, information and a listening ear to women and children experiencing domestic violence. It also provides assistance to women and children to access a place of safety in a women’s refuge.
HELPLINES FOR CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE